Earth below us, drifting, falling

Allen, after having a crush on me for months, has finally moved on.

I haven't felt this unwanted in a while.

So I carry forth, watching life from a distance, living in my head, telling myself fantasy stories to keep away the lonliness of being invisible.

Far beneath the ship,the world is mourning.
They don't realize he's alive.
No one understands,but Major Tom sees."
Now the light commands this is my home,
I'm coming home."

I wanna shoot the whole day down

DAMMMIT.

I HATE MONDAYS.

AUGHHHHHHHH.

I feel like a failure already, and I've only had two classes.
I'm going to fucking lose my mind.
I hate my pottymouth, but it was my dad's fault.

I'm in such a shitty mood.
I wanna go home so quickly.


Monday, later:

Poster signing was depressing. Like no one signed my poster. I'm kind of seriously distraught by it. Some people didn't even have the decency to write ANYTHING, especially people who I thought were cool or friendly. That sucks.

Lost & Insecure

Tell me something nice so I forget what I heard.
Show me something wonderful so I forget what I saw.
Show me something new so I can no longer remember.

Save me. I don't want to do this again.



Sam, you are the devil. You are too beautiful and too malicious to be a child of God.

Sometime I think I'll die alone; live and breathe and die alone.

I seriously feel painfully single.
Not like my retarded friends who go without a boyfriend for two months and whine about it.
My friend asked me today if my truth-or-dare girlkiss a few months ago was my first kiss.
It wasn't.

It's been over a year and a half since my last one. That was the closest I came to having a boyfriend, and now, having set up my best friend with a guy and yet not able to attain one myself is a mindfuck.

I've met a couple attractive guys in recent weeks, all snatched up.

I must be hideous or a terrible bitch, really.

My mom can do little to convince me my medicine weight isn't affecting me.

FML.

Dark Blue

Well my, my. Who fails at blogging?
I do!

I finally solved my problem. I broke down, made a scene, and found my true friends.
We're going to Disney is less than a month.
8D
I don't care about the musical I didn't get into any more. I'm designing lights for my school's show. I've done about three shows (or show-like things), plus an internship at the aquarium on Saturdays instead of the stupid musical, which, according to my sources, is doomed.
The cast can't sing, can't dance, Sam can't remember his lines, and the first show is tomorrow night.
I won't let myself think nasty things anymore. That is how I isolate myself. This is how I blind myself to my real friends. But I'm glad I know who they are and that we're all in the same boat.

We had a Drug Lady visit school last week. She was awesome. Recovered addict, she's hilarious, but makes you realize that that shit is nasty.
She made a joke about my Chem class being the geeky, non-party class, and I told her my D&D parties were INTENSE. She believed me for a second, before I confessed to kidding. Then she asked if we read fanfic and ate pizza on friday nights.
Bahaha. Quite true.
The next day she let me play with her Macbook Air. FUN.
The day after she gave my Chem class a shoutout in assembly. It was epic.
The last day i confessed how naiive I felt about how much drug use there was at my school. She said that's a good thing. I felt good.

Admittedly, I was a bit out of my head last week. I'm not into sex and drugs, but I was feeling so shickingly indifferent about stuff I'm not intending to do. It was a bit mistifying.

I'm better.

My brother came back for spring break last week, too. After doing nothing, he took me to see Watchmen. It was EPIC.

I dunno. This has been a plesant week. I've got a big weekend, with the play practice, Coffeehouse, Aquarium Exam, and Talent show to attend.

I'm glad to be busy, though. Makes me feel excited.