Tonight will be the night that I will fall

Shit.
I hate the days before holiday breaks. They give us a crazy work load, which makes sense; they're teachers, this is what they do.
But I need this break so much. I'm losing my mind left and right. My history teacher caught me frantically being frantic in the halls twice last week. Fail.

But I realized that if I fail my Chem test Friday I'll have no choice but to drop the class. I failed one quiz already. It's pathetic. The grade is a disgrace. I didn't have nearly enough time for the quiz, and it's totally going to fucking drag down my grade for the fucking class.
But I burned the fucking grade off the quiz, and kept the paper for exam puposes. I like burning things.

I'm a bit buggy lately. Friday I'm going to a dance with Allen, who had been pursuing me since summer but has recently dropped chase. I figure it won't be awkward with him, he's a cool friend.

But this isn't at my school. It's at Allen's.
And I know for a fact Sam will be there.

Damn if I didn't think I had that problem licked.
He WILL be there, with his girlfriend, who he is clearly fucking senseless. Yes, vulgar language. But he is. They are.

I was so proud of myself last Friday when I successfully went on an ecursion to Wal Mart before the play (I ended up doing lights. I loved it.) with Sam and Teddy. I didn't fawn over Sam and had a great time on a simple shopping trip.
But Saturday I fell apart, and Sam's been dancing in my thoughts again.

He never liked me.
He's a manwhore.
Stop doing this to yourself.

I wish I could.

But what am I going to Friday?

I guess I better get a good dress. I have my red heels from the party two weeks ago.
Better knock him dead and remind him, yet again, what he's missing.

I think he knows he's making a big mistake with other girls, but he knows he can't have me. I'm not that easy.

One day, we'll end these mind games.
In about a week, I'll forget about Sam again.
Til then, I have a religion test and Spanish quiz tomorrow.

Damn.